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These 7 Questions Could Determine Whether Your Marriage Will Last Or Fail

Divorce From Huffington Post - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 21:43

Not every romantic relationship you find yourself in is meant to go the distance. Just because you have crazy chemistry, for instance, doesn’t mean you and your partner have what it takes to sustain a long-term relationship, said Joyce Morley, a marriage and family therapist in Decatur, Georgia. 


“Although you’d like to be on the same page with your S.O. and feel like soulmates, the reality is, that type of relationship is more the exception than the rule,” she told The Huffington Post. “You have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth taking to the next level.” 


Below, Morley and other marriage therapists share seven important questions to ask your partner before taking the relationship any further. 



“Talking about the expectations each of you has around children is crucial to the success of your relationship. If you want them, how many and when? You should both absolutely be on the same page about this. This will lead to a deeper discussion around parenting and finances, as it ties in. For instance, if one of you wishes to stay home with a baby, how will this work? And for how long? Be sure to also discuss your plans if you have difficulty conceiving. You should try to flesh out your parenting philosophies as well as much as possible.” ― Marni Feuerman, a couples therapist based in Boca Raton, Florida



“It is important to recognize that just because you are intimately involved with someone, it doesn’t mean you are in a solid relationship. A short-term relationship is one of convenience. A healthy and positive relationship requires commitment from both partners and healthy and effective communication. A solid relationship is a two-way reciprocated process: It entails giving and receiving. A short-lived relationship involves just taking. In a quality relationship, your partner sees you as the only choice, not an option.” ― Joyce Morley



“Ask yourselves: Are we good at talking things out and letting stuff go? Or do we tend to walk away from conflict and serious discussions and pretend it was resolved? Be careful if you get caught up in perpetual negative patterns like this. I would also be worried if you say you ‘never fight.’ That means you are probably avoiding tough topics and sweeping them under the rug.” ― Marni Feuerman 



“It’s unrealistic to think that marriage will and should be smooth every step of the way. The couple who is wise is the couple who can put their egos to the side and be open to the idea of seeking outside help, should they need it. Many people think, ‘Well if we need to go to therapy, then we have failed.’ Quite the contrary: A couple who feels confident to seek outside help is a couple who is taking mindful care of their marriage.” Carin Goldstein, a marriage and family therapist based in Sherman Oaks, California 



“As a couple, each of you must decide what you are willing to compromise on or sacrifice in order to spend a lifetime with your mate. What are you willing to give up? Maybe it’s a toxic friendship, a bad habit or a vice. And on the other hand, what are you not willing to tolerate in a relationship? Maybe it’s disrespect, poor money management, infidelity or overly involved in-laws. Too often, we go into marriage thinking that once we’re married, our mate will change. The reality is, people don’t change. Knowing that, discuss what you are willing to compromise on ― and what you refuse to tolerate ― and you’re more likely to have a successful marriage.” ― Joyce Morley



“You are both two individual people coming together and you are not exactly alike. You are bound to rub each other the wrong way, get annoyed by certain habits or have interests that clash. You must feel that you can embrace each other’s differences and have enough in common. Perhaps you are an introvert who enjoys quiet nights at home and your partner needs to be out and around lots of people to feel good. Know whether or not this will drive you crazy or if you can both work out a balance around it.” ― Marni Feuerman 



“You and your partner should have the same or similar beliefs and values but you also have to be going in the same direction in your lives. It’s important for you to assess where you are and where you would like to be, as an individual and as a couple. You have to be on the same page as a couple, or at least in the same chapter ― or phase ― of your life. If you’re not even in the same book, you have a lot of work to do in order to become more aligned with each other. It’s a matter of deciding, can I do the work and am I willing to do the work to align myself with my mate?” ― Joyce Morley

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

Dwyane Wade's high school sweetheart not ready to let divorce go - Chicago Tribune

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 21:32

Chicago Tribune

Dwyane Wade's high school sweetheart not ready to let divorce go
Chicago Tribune
It began nearly a decade ago — and seemed to have finally ended with a $5 million-plus settlement in 2013. But newly-signed Chicago Bulls star Dwyane Wade's long, bitter divorce from his high school sweetheart Siohvaughn Funches still isn't over, at ...
Wade-Riley Divorce Shows Loyalty Isn't Easy to Define in the NBABleacher Report
Column: Wade, Riley divorce best for bothLake City Reporter
The one factor that led to the divorce of Dwyane Wade and Pat RileyYahoo Sports
Miami Herald (blog)
all 1,600 news articles »
Categories: Divorce Stuff

Archbishop Chaput: Pope Francis shows continuity on divorce, remarriage - Catholic News Agency

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 21:25

Catholic News Agency

Archbishop Chaput: Pope Francis shows continuity on divorce, remarriage
Catholic News Agency
Pope Francis' teaching on divorce-and-remarriage and the sacraments represents Catholic tradition and shows the way forward for engaging those who are estranged and hurting, Archbishop Charles Chaput of Philadelphia has said. “As with all magisterial ...
Catholics who remarry after divorce must avoid sex to receive Communion, Philly archbishop saysFox News
Chaput: For Communion, Divorced/Remarried Must 'Refrain' From SexNBC 10 Philadelphia
Chaput says for Communion, divorced/remarried must live chastelyCrux: Covering all things Catholic
Philly.com -Huffington Post
all 83 news articles »
Categories: Divorce Stuff

Catholic Bishop’s Advice For Divorced, Remarried Catholics: Stop Having Sex

Divorce From Huffington Post - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 21:11

After more than three years of parish surveys and high profile bishops’ meetings about Catholic family life, this is the final message that one bishop has for people who have divorced and remarried without getting an annulment: If you want to receive Communion again, stop having sex. 


And more importantly ― if you thought the Pope’s call for an inclusive church means you can be on parish councils or serve as lectors and assistants during Mass, you’re wrong. You can’t. 



Philadelphia’s Archbishop Charles Chaput reaffirmed traditional Catholic teachings on marriage and the family in a set of guidelines created for priests and lay workers who are in charge of giving pastoral care regarding matters of human sexuality in his archdiocese. The guidelines came into effect on July 1.


Catholics who have divorced and remarried without an annulment from the church have long been banned from taking Communion. While saying that these Catholics should be made to feel welcomed in Philadelphia’s parishes, the archdiocese stressed that they should “refrain from sexual intimacy,” even if they are living in the same house. 


“Undertaking to live as brother and sister is necessary for the divorced and civilly-remarried to receive reconciliation in the Sacrament of Penance, which could then open the way to the Eucharist,” the guidelines state


This principle, which the archdiocese acknowledged is a “hard teaching for many,” is one of the results of a more than three-year process in which the global Catholic Church studied how it should practice pastoral care for modern families in a time when divorce, co-habitation before marriage, and same-sex marriage are becoming more common. The church sent out a worldwide parish-level questionnaire on the issue in 2013 and top Catholic bishops met at the Vatican twice over the next two years. 


The culmination of that process was Pope Francis’ Amoris Laetitia (Latin for “The Joy of Love”), which was released April 8. The wide-ranging document summarized and interpreted the findings of that study. Amoris Laetitia didn’t set forth any new rules or changes to long-established Catholic doctrine on marriage ― the pope wanted each country and region to seek solutions that fit local cultures and traditions. But Francis emphasized that he wanted priests to welcome people who are in relationships that the church considers to be “irregular,” instead of confronting them with rigid doctrine.



As the head of an informal bishops committee tasked with implementing Amoris Laetitia in America, Chaput’s interpretation of the document may prove to be significant. According to Vatican journalist John Allen, Philadelphia is one of the first archdiocese to publish its interpretation of the Pope’s document on the family. 


“My suspicion is that those who are inclined to a more progressive reading [of Amoris Laetitia] are not going to put out documents to say so. It will quietly be made clear to priests that it is OK under certain circumstances, for example, to allow some people to quietly come back to communion,” Allen told The Guardian. “My suspicion is that the more traditional line [adopted by some bishops] will be more public.”


Kathy Finley, a Catholic author who co-authored the book “Building Christian Families” with her husband, told The Huffington Post that the guidelines issued by Archbishop Chaput “have a rather different tone from [Amoris Laetitia].” 


“When starting from the legal documents of the past, one ends up with rules and dos and don’ts, such as living as brother and sister if a couple is divorced and civilly remarried,” Finley wrote to HuffPost in an email. “But when one begins with listening to the lived experience of couples who are trying to live their faith in difficult situations, a stronger sense of compassion shows in pastoral awareness and sensitivity.”


Chaput’s interpretation of Amoris Laetitia may be in line with tradition, but the truth is that a good number of U.S. Catholics stray far from church doctrine on marriage.


Only about a quarter (26 percent) of divorced U.S. Catholics say they or their former spouse sought an annulment from the church, according to the Pew Research CenterSome Catholics say that the annulment process can be intrusive and costly, while others simply don’t think it’s necessary. In addition, the majority of American Catholics (62 percent) think that divorced and remarried Catholics should be allowed to receive Communion without getting an annulment. Sixty-one percent say getting a divorce isn’t a sin. 



In addition to reminding divorced and remarried couples to live chastely, Philadelphia’s archdiocese also made it clear that these Catholics shouldn’t hold positions of responsibility in a parish, to avoid “giving scandal or implying that Christ’s teaching can be set aside.”


The guidelines also prescribed chastity for unmarried, cohabiting couples and for same-sex couples. According to the archdiocese, LGBT people who are in “active, public” relationships can’t be accepted into the life of a parish because they “offer a serious counter-witness to Catholic belief, which can only produce moral confusion in the community.” 


Michael Sean Winters, a columnist for The National Catholic Reporter, suggested that this intent to prevent scandal is itself “a source of scandal.”


“So intent are prelates like Archbishop Chaput in refusing to think there is anything really worth discussing here, they wish to shut down and foreclose the pope’s obvious invitation to discussion and adult decision making,” Winters wrote for NCR. “They have the answers and anyone who questions them causes scandal.”

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

Is divorce with dignity possible? NJ experts weigh in - Daily Record

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 16:35

Daily Record

Is divorce with dignity possible? NJ experts weigh in
Daily Record
Christie signed the New Jersey Family Collaborative Law Act, making New Jersey the ninth of 11 states to legitimize a practice touted by proponents as more speedy and less costly than traditional divorce. http://dailyre.co/1Ahpvjt. In her role as a ...

Categories: Divorce Stuff

How Baggage From Your Divorce Can Ruin a Great Date After 50

Divorce From Huffington Post - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 16:34


Everyone comes with baggage when they enter a relationship.

Heading onto the dating scene for the first time in a very long time...

You probably haven't given much thought to how this baggage from your past can affect your present and future relationships with men you're dating.

Let's face it, we all carry baggage.

Even when we married the first time around back in our 20's and 30's, we were carrying some of it.

Maybe a couple of high school and college sweethearts along with some "growing pains" type issues you might have had with your parents.

The thing is...what we had back then would have fit in a carry on suitcase.

Now fast forward 20 or 30 years to where you are today.

You may have experienced a marriage or two.

There's children and grandchildren.

Aging parents.

In laws you're still close to.

Shared friends you socialized with.

Houses.

Health Issues.

Debt... and that's just to name a few of the pieces you're carrying around with you.

What this means is your baggage has now grown from that small suitcase into a steamer trunk filled with baggage.


Most of us totally underestimate how baggage can affect a date and a future relationship.


One of the biggest mistakes women make is revealing too much of their baggage on a first date.

It's like you're testing the guy to see if he'll like you...issues and all.

Men are happy to help you with your issues over time.

But...what a man can tolerate once he's in a relationship with you will more than likely scare him off if its revealed on a first date.

So what topics should be left off the table on a first date?

Trashing Your Ex

Sharing your anger about an ex on a first date is a huge no-no!

He thinks if you're talking this way about the last guy you were with... then what will you say about him should the two of you get involved then break up?

This feels pretty scary to a man!

If he asks about your ex, you can use phrases like these...

"Yes, I have one but he lives out of state."

Or..."Yes I have one, and he was a good father to my children."

Or "Yes, I have one and he remarried."

Or even "Yes, I have one and he works in a specific industry."

Your goal is to say something positive about your ex no matter how small it is, so you do not appear as negative or vindictive on a first date.

Health Issues in Detail

I remember one particular first date where a guy started telling me about his health issues within the first 10 minutes.

I heard about his breathing machine.

And his prescription drugs for his heart and blood sugar issues.

This was way too much information for a first date.

I used an exit strategy and was out of there within 10 minutes of hearing that.

And men will run too!

Why? Without an emotional attachment to you, you'll feel like a project to him.

If a man asks you about your health (which he shouldn't unless he's doing the first date checklist)...you can turn it around and say in a flirting voice something like this..."Why, do I look sick?"

Remember, first dates are for meeting someone new and interesting.

They are not for grilling someone.

I promise if you stop Dating to Mate and start Dating to Date, you can have far more fun with dating.

And when you're having fun...you appear a lot more interesting to a man than the woman who uses a checklist and spills her baggage on a first date.

Your Finances

Money is a taboo subject for a first date.

If you are in debt...and if you share this on a first date, a man thinks you're just looking for a sugar daddy.

This will send him running.

The same thing goes for if you have a lot of money.

He may be looking for someone to take care of him.

Until you know someone better, you want to keep this information to yourself.

And remember...when you're on a first date, the guy you're sharing private information with is still a stranger.

Don't share a lot of personal information with him.

What You Can Talk About On a First Date

Keep your dates light and fun.

Share interesting things about your life that you love.

Ask him about his life and come away from each date having learned one new and interesting thing about this new man.

I'd love to hear what you think about your baggage, his baggage and how it's affected dates you've been on in the past.

Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50's dating. She's the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and a regular Huffington Post contributor. Her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. Learn the 5 Little Known Secrets to Finding a Quality Man Over 50 at www.FindAQualityMan.com.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

Family Regulation -- Good or Bad?

Divorce From Huffington Post - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 15:30
Couples A and B each have two children. Couple A has been married for ten years. Couple B has also been married for ten years. One of the partners in each of these couples earns the same amount of money. The other partner in each couple also earn the same amount of money, which is about one-fourth of that amount. The higher earning partner in each of these couples is a very controlling person. That partner decides how much money is spent by the family and how much is saved. These include such decisions as whether the children can attend certain extracurricular activities or camp, how much the other partner can spend on clothes and personal effects and what is done with savings. If the children want something that the higher earner won't provide, they either don't get it or the lower earning spouse uses what the person has available to try and provide it.

Couple A separates, couple B does not. When Couple A separate, the higher-earning controlling spouse loses a significant amount of that control. The similarly-situated spouse in Couple B never loses that control.

Couple A ends up in the family court system. The court now tells the higher earning partner how much money must be provided to the other partner each month. The court tells that partner what expenses must be paid for the children. In addition, the court also tells both partners who will have the children when.

Over the ensuing 5 years both couples have disagreements over their children. They cannot agree on what school to send the children to, or whether one of the children has special needs which must be provided for. The court tells Couple A where the children will attend school, and what the higher-earning parent in Couple A has to pay for in terms of those needs. In Couple B, the controlling spouse decides where the children attend school and what will provided to the special needs child. For Couple A., the lower earner gets a set amount of money each month for an indefinite time period for the next 7 years. For Couple B, the lower earning spouse only gets what the higher earner is willing to provide which isn't much. The high earner in Couple B spends most of his earnings on himself.

Which couple has the better outcome? One could argue that lower earner from Couple A ended up with the better deal. That individual now has a monthly allowance not previously available, and is not subject to the control of the other spouse. On the other hand, no one is interfering in Couple B's domestic life. While the weaker partner may not be getting the same deal as the weaker partner in Couple A, does that really matter? And with regard to the couple that did get divorced, is it appropriate that their lives are regulated in this way? Are we discriminating against divorcing partners by regulating aspects of their lives that are not regulated for anyone else? Are fewer people marrying these days because they do not want to end up subject to such regulation?

There are no right answers to these questions. They are set forth for the purposes of making us think. The real question is this: if we are willing not to interfere in the daily lives of those who end up staying in a marriage-happily or not, should we be interfering in the lives of those that choose to divorce? Or, should our laws be reformed to provide actual protection when it is needed such as in cases of domestic violence or to prevent children from going without financial support, but not go beyond that. Why is it socially acceptable for the children in Couple B's family to be denied what they need because the parents stayed together, while the children in Couple A's family get what they need because the parents got divorced? And conversely why is it acceptable for the higher earner in Couple B to keep the bulk of what has been earned, while we are requiring the higher earner in Couple A to pay a percentage of income to the other spouse?

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

What's Behind China's Rising Divorce Rates? - The Epoch Times

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 15:29

The Epoch Times

What's Behind China's Rising Divorce Rates?
The Epoch Times
The story of Li Xu and Zhang Yan is representative of an emerging trend in rural China, where divorce rates are marching lockstep with economic growth. Poverty, the physical distances between many couples, a massive gender gap, and the rift between ...

Categories: Divorce Stuff

'My Fiance's Daughter Has Anxiety Attacks When We Ask Her To Spend Time With Me'

Divorce From Huffington Post - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 14:37
Reader At My Wits End writes,

I have been dating an amazing man for the past 3 years and we are recently engaged. We have 3 kids from our prior marriages, one 6 year old boy from mine, and a 4 year old boy and 9 year old girl from his. He proposed to me in December and I said yes and thought I was the happiest woman in the world. I believe he's the love of my life and we are very happy when we are together.

Here's the rub, his daughter has been having severe anxiety for the last year or so in regards to spending time with us and we haven't been able to blend our families at all. We even had to alter our living arrangements where he lives with us during the week but goes back to his ex's home on the weekends (the ex usually heads out of town to be with her boyfriend so he and the kids are alone.) The anxiety is so severe now that we rarely spend any time together on the weekends unless we each get sitters for the kids.

The daughter's anxiety attacks start right when he tells her we are going to do something together.  He cannot snap her out of it nor calm her down for long periods of time. His solution has consisted of cancelling our plans 90% of the time. We have also gone months without spending any time with the kids together.

He tells me they are in therapy, but it's pretty inconsistent with very little improvement. One thing that has come out of therapy is that her mother has been saying extremely negative things, including how he is replacing them with us, and making the daughter feel like she is doing something wrong for spending time with us. These attacks have only intensified recently and I find myself on the outside looking in but ultimately unable to change anything.

I want to move on with our lives, blend our families, and enjoy the simple and normal things families do on the weekends. I feel that I am held hostage by the horrible things his ex has done to his 9 year old every single weekend and I can't seem to move past the idea of when will he say enough is enough and force her to spend time with us. We know we can never stop the ex from committing this emotional abuse and I also know that anxiety is not something you can simply ignore. I'm nearing the end in regards to my patience and I am really starting to doubt we have a future. Are the patterns and behaviors too far gone for any kind of fix, or is there any hope?




Dear AMWE,

This is an extremely difficult situation all around.  Your fiance's ex-wife appears to be a severely troubled, anxious, and angry person who likely has no idea the extent of the emotional abuse that she is perpetrating on her daughter.  The most frustrating part is that she herself has a new boyfriend, yet she will not allow your ex to move on, and continues to poison their daughter against him and you.  Although everyone in this situation is suffering, I feel the worst for the daughter, who has been taught that hanging out with you means losing her father and upsetting her mother.  You are showing wonderful empathy for the daughter's position in all of this.

I believe that the next step needs to be including you in family counseling sessions, which need to be weekly.  You have been around for three years, you are empathic and caring, and you have been giving this girl all the space she needs, which is why I am recommending that your fiance takes a stronger approach here (versus my advice to this woman). You are going to be marrying this girl's father, and she needs to see you as a loving and stable presence in her life.  The daughter may panic and protest at your inclusion in family sessions, but if your fiance wants to ever establish a family unit that includes both you and his daughter, he needs to stay strong and force this issue.

The only way to recover from anxiety is to confront it, via exposure.  The daughter needs to be exposed to you to realize that you are not the enemy.  Also, if she is "forced" to spend time with you at first via this "mandatory" counseling sessions, then she will not have to worry about feeling guilty that she "chose" to spend time with you, which she likely associates with betraying her mom.  (You can read more about what kids may think about their parent's new significant other in my book, How to Talk to Your Kids About Your Divorce.) Spending time with you and her dad will also allow her to see that he can in fact be with you without loving her any less, contrary to the nightmare of abandonment that her mother describes.  Eventually, with therapy and consistent reassurance from her dad, I hope that this little girl begins to feel less anxiety and fear around you, and even to like you.

If your fiance cannot or will not try this, though, then there are bigger problems.  He is likely struggling with a lot of guilt due to all of this, and may be unable to bring himself to cause his little girl any more distress, even in the short term.  If he cannot see that this situation has only been getting worse since she has been allowed to avoid you, then you need to try and gently point that out.  Anxiety thrives when avoidance is allowed.  Nobody will confront a feared situation without some gentle pushing, and if your fiance wants this relationship to work, he needs to take a new approach, as I outlined above.<

Keep me updated and I truly hope this works out for you long term.  Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Blending Families Is Not For The Faint Of Heart.
 

This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family. Learn about Dr. Rodman's private practice here. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

Gwen Stefani Opens Up About Divorce, New Relationship - ABC News

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 12:20

ABC News

Gwen Stefani Opens Up About Divorce, New Relationship
ABC News
The Democratic presidential candidate sat down with George Stephanopoulos and singer Gwen Stefani talks channeling her pain into powerful music. Gwen and Gavin Settle Divorce. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale have finalized the terms of their divorce.
Gwen Stefani: 'My Dreams Were Shattered' After DivorceTIME
Gwen Stefani opens up about divorce: 'My dreams were shattered'Today.com
Gwen Stefani Says Learning of Blake Shelton's Divorce Was Like 'Being Handed the Gift of a Friend'Entertainment Tonight
Vanity Fair -E! Online
all 120 news articles »
Categories: Divorce Stuff

10 Dating Tips Every Single Woman Over 50 Needs To Know

Divorce From Huffington Post - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 10:54

Tip #1 -- You want to put in writing both your short term and your long term dating goals.

My short term goals were about meeting new and interesting men and I wanted to have fun dating.

My long term goal was about being in a committed relationship.

Both worked out well for me and they can for you too when you start your journey with this exercise.


Tip #2 -- Stop making excuses for not dating.

I hear women say, "Now isn't the right time (and I ask them if not now, when?) or they have to lose 10 pounds before they can even think about dating."

This type of thinking comes from fear.

When you're feeling this way, take a baby step and go on one dating site.

Once you've taken one step and you've had some success, the next step will be a lot easier.

The cool thing is ... you might find you're having fun!


Tip #3 -- Not understanding the language men speak and hear may be keeping you from finding a great guy. (by the way, they are not women in men's bodies!)

Men don't love talking about feelings although they are far more emotional than you think.

They just don't know how to express it thanks to feelings often being squelched by adults in their childhood.

By learning the language men speak and hear, you're going to find that you start getting your needs met more often without having to ask for what you want over and over again.


Tip #4 -- End the cycle of being overly perfectionistic about what men must have in order to date you.

It's far more important to look for someone who will make you laugh and open your heart than it is to find a man who is 6 feet tall.


Tip #5 -- Get out of your comfort zone and date men who are different than your usual type.

Your usual type hasn't made you happy in the past so why will he start making you happy now?


Tip #6 -- Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right!

Henry Ford said this about developing cars.

Turns out it's true for just about every aspect of your life, including finding good men and dating.


Tip #7 -- Stop dating from your mind and start dating from your heart.

You're heart doesn't necessarily want what your mind does when it comes to a man.

Remember your mind is always trying to keep you safe and in your comfort zone.

Your heart wants you to feel loved, cherished and adored which are qualities you want in a man if one of your goals is to be in a long term relationship.



Tip #8 -- Go from invisibility to Rock Star Visibility with great pictures and a warm inviting profile online!

Men are visual and they want to see you and your beautiful smile not pictures of your cat, the scenery from your last vacation or your favorite outfit without you in it.

Here's the difference a great profile and awesome pictures can make ....

Its only been about 24 hours since I put my new profile and pictures online. 49 men want to meet me, 14 have written to me including 2 of my "top ten prospects" as have two other men I really would be interested in talking to. And the notes are so flattering and sweet. This is more activity than I've had in a year. You are a genius Lisa! Laurie, New Jersey


Tip #9 -- Dating can be both overwhelming and exhausting.

It's important to take a break whenever you need to.

Get back in touch with what lights you up.

Once you do, you'll feel rejuvenated and ready to date again.


Tip #10 -- Have fun and enjoy yourself on a date meeting someone new and interesting.

Everyone has a story ... your job is to find out what his is.

Definitely makes a date a lot more fun!

Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50's dating. She's the best selling author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and a regular Huffington Post contributor. Her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. Learn the 5 Little Known Secrets to Finding A Quality Man Over 50 at www.FindAQualityMan.com.


Earlier on Huff/Post50:



-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

Real Gold Digger of Orange County? Kelly Dodd Demands Tens Of Thousands In Divorce - RadarOnline

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 10:53

RadarOnline

Real Gold Digger of Orange County? Kelly Dodd Demands Tens Of Thousands In Divorce
RadarOnline
The couple, who tied in the knot in April 15, 2006, never finalized their divorce. On a recent episode of RHOC, Dodd explained why they never went through with ending their marriage. “It was a nightmare,” she said of her relationship with the “control ...

and more »
Categories: Divorce Stuff

Trapped! Why Kim Thinks She Can't Leave Her Marriage From Hell - RadarOnline

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 10:53

RadarOnline

Trapped! Why Kim Thinks She Can't Leave Her Marriage From Hell
RadarOnline
Kim Kardashian has had it with her Kanye West's outrageous behavior— but the twice-divorced reality star feels she can't leave her unpredictable third husband, sources exclusively tell RadarOnline.com. The married couple of just two years “fight ...
RadarOnline Flip-Flops On Kim Kardashian, Kanye West DivorceGossip Cop

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Categories: Divorce Stuff

Divorce Papers Revealed! Inside 'Little Women' Cheating Hubby Matt's First Marriage - RadarOnline

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 10:53

RadarOnline

Divorce Papers Revealed! Inside 'Little Women' Cheating Hubby Matt's First Marriage
RadarOnline
Years before Little Women: LA star Briana Renee's husband, Matt Grundhoffer, cheated on her with women online, the reality TV villain made a mess of his first marriage. According to Washington state court documents exclusively obtained by ...

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Categories: Divorce Stuff

New Real Housewife has the secret to a drama-free divorce - New York Post

Breaking Divorce News from Google - Thu, 07/07/2016 - 06:46

New York Post

New Real Housewife has the secret to a drama-free divorce
New York Post
I may have seemed like just another wife on an errand, but I was doing something I'm sure no one else in the store could even imagine: My husband and I were about to get a divorce, and I was furnishing his bachelor pad. It wasn't the ending I anticipated.

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Categories: Divorce Stuff

Christie Brinkley Reveals What Initially Drew Her To John Mellencamp

Divorce From Huffington Post - Wed, 07/06/2016 - 22:18

There’s something about John Mellencamp. Just ask his girlfriend Christie Brinkley


In the latest issue of People magazine, the supermodel says that when she first met the 64-year-old rockstar last year, she was a bit taken aback by his presence. 


“I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, we’re really opposites. He’s kind of a throwback from another time, like a silent cowboy,” Brinkley, 62, said. “But then we talked and realized that we do have a lot of shared interests.”


For starters, there’s no huge age gap between them, so conversation comes naturally.


(Story continues under the photo) 



“I know guys that go out with girls that are so, so young. They’ll throw some reference out, and they’re like, ‘What’s that?’” she said. “When it comes to relationships, there is something nice about just being the same age.”


The couple also both have kids from previous marriages: Mellencamp has been married three times and has five kids and six grandkids. Brinkley has three kids and has been married four times, most famously to singer Billy Joel. Her fourth marriage, to architect Peter Cook, ended in a bitter divorce in 2008 and a drawn-out custody battle ― all of which has made the model wary of marriage. 


Though she’s previously sworn off wedded bliss (”With what I know, I don’t see why anyone would get married,” she told Ladies’ Home Journal in 2009), these days, she’s not even willing to discuss the matter. 


“I’m leery of discussing my relationship because I don’t want to jinx it,” she told Howard Stern when asked about marrying Mellencamp in November 2015. “And I feel like I was so dragged through the press that I [don’t want that again].” 

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

10 Surefire Ways to Screw Up Your Marriage

Divorce From Huffington Post - Wed, 07/06/2016 - 21:47

There are oh-so-many ways to screw up a relationship. If you got to the point of saying “I do,” however, it means you were in love and thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone. With the divorce rate still hovering around 40 - 50 percent, it tells us that married couples are pretty bad at holding things together.  As a marriage therapist, I see day in and day out some of the same things that people do to make sure that their marriage goes down the tubes.


So, if you would like to follow suit, here are 10 suggestions that will nearly guarantee that your marriage will be miserable, unfulfilling, have you living like roommates or headed for divorce in no time flat.


Don’t put each other first


Don’t make each other your priorities. When you have kids, it’s now all about the kids. No more date nights, no more trying fun new things together.  Alternatively, work like crazy and have no time for your spouse.  Make spending time with your partner unimportant. 


Communicate poorly


Either escalate into screaming anger or shut down and refuse to talk.  Try to get your partner to read your mind. At this point they should be able to, as they have known you long enough, right?  Don’t say things that are bothering you when they come up.  Wait until you are resentful.  When you do talk, be sure to mention that time he or she did something wrong, even if it was five years ago.  Also, never compliment or notice the good things, just focus on what is going wrong. 


Keep secrets


Don’t talk about your day or what worries are on your mind.  If you are unhappy about something in the marriage, definitely keep that inside. Make major financial decisions without discussion.  Don’t share relevant information that may impact your future.  Furthermore, have an affair that is emotional or physical, or better yet, both!  Don’t tell anyone and continue to become completely un-enamored with your spouse. 


Have poor boundaries


Allow family and friends to invade your life.  Talk too much with these people about your personal life.  Air your dirty laundry everywhere.  Refuse to cut off someone in your life who is toxic.


Never have sex


Sex is not so important now that you are married. There is just too much going on in your lives. You are too busy and you definitely don’t want the kids to hear you. If it’s not spontaneous, why bother? Furthermore, limit all kinds of physical contact and affection.


Never apologize


If you did something wrong, refuse to apologize. Do not try to see anything from your spouse’s point of view.  When you hurt your partner, just make excuses and justify your behavior. Do not even try to make your spouse feel better.


Don’t show gratitude or appreciation


There is no reason to say “thank you” or show appreciation for the things your spouse is doing. You do things all the time, too.  It’s quid pro quo.  Plus, your partner should just know that you appreciate the effort by now.


Be overly controlling


You simply have to know every little detail about how your spouse’s time or money is spent. Throw a tantrum when your spouse tries to assert any independence.  Be insecure, jealous and manipulative.


Have an addiction


Decide upon which addiction you would like to have. It can be a) drugs, b) alcohol, c) porn or d) all of the above.  Wreak havoc on your spouse and children with this addiction.  Make them all enablers so your habit is not disrupted in any way.


Don’t get help if you need it


When you know something is wrong, do not seek help.  Ignore any problematic physical or mental condition.  Even when your spouse shows serious concern, still refuse to do anything to help yourself.  Don’t take care of yourself or try to stay healthy.  If your marriage is the problem, certainly do not get help until your spouse is considering divorce. (Special tip: at this point say emphatically, “I promise I will change!” but don’t really mean it.)


If these words are hitting a little too close to home, I urge you to make some serious changes to get your marriage and your life back on track. You may need to seek professional, individual psychotherapy or marriage counseling to truly make profound and meaningful changes. Give your marriage the best possible chance it deserves and remember, you fell in love for a reason.


Marni Feuerman is a psychotherapist in Boca Raton, Florida. She is nationally syndicated freelance writer and the marriage expert for the website About.com. Her website is www.TheTalkingSolution.com where you can sign up for her quarterly newsletter.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

The 'Divorce Court' Judge's Best Advice For Dating After A Split

Divorce From Huffington Post - Wed, 07/06/2016 - 21:18



It may sound counterintuitive, but finding love after heartbreak often starts with working to become strongest, most independent version of yourself ― just ask Judge Lynn Toler of the television show Divorce Court.


In the clip above, Judge Toler offers advice to a single mom who is wary of dating again. 


“The stronger you are as a person, the less devastating a man who’s not quite right will be,” she says.


Watch the video above for more expert advice.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff

It All Starts With Hope: Part 1 Of 2

Divorce From Huffington Post - Wed, 07/06/2016 - 20:21
I've been writing a lot lately about divorce. There's a reason for that, but while today's topic involves divorce it's not really about divorce.

Today I really need to talk about Hope.

My blog site has been a journey of hope, and I want to tell you my story about how it's been so far.

This post would end up being pretty long, so I'm going to break up this story into 2-parts. This is the first part.

When all hope was lost

After my divorce I felt lost. I was defeated. I felt alone. The person I had counted on for as long as I could remember was choosing to no longer love me. It hurt.

I took a little time to wallow in my self-pity, but I never took to it. I knew I needed to get out and do something with my pain.

I started a meetup group for people in my area who were separated and divorced. I thought if I could help others find some sense of normalcy, I could maybe find some. The group quickly grew, but it never really took off. After several months I closed it down.

Around that same time I attended a training about how to better present myself to people. It felt good to apply my skills towards something constructive. I have always enjoyed teaching and helping others.

While attending this training I had several different people, independent of one another, tell me that they felt I would be good at connecting with and helping a very specific group of people... divorced men.

I fought this idea for several months. I was a divorced man, and I knew the challenge of connecting with, and impacting the thoughts of a divorced man. Men are very often stubborn and prideful. Add to this that they have gone through a life changing defeat. Sure I'd like to help other men like me, but I did not feel up to that challenge.

While I eventually drew back from the idea of focusing on that specific group, I was determined to get out of my own head and help others. I chose to focus my attentions on the more generalized group of "everyday men." I knew I could relate to them, and I knew that they needed a strong voice.

It is my firm belief that the caliber of men in the world today has diminished greatly. I believe there are too many men who have lost a sense of confidence and clarity in who they are supposed to be. Rarely do we see the same level of respect and chivalry that I had grown up learning.

I knew that while I was by no means the perfect example, I had strong foundational values that I felt were worth sharing. I believed that if I could speak clearly and loudly enough, I could reach the hearts of the men who were sincere seekers of strength and motivation.

I also knew I was stubborn and strong enough to face that challenge, so I began my efforts by creating my blog site, www.DerickTurner.com

For several months I wrote blog posts on topics such as Chivalry and Etiquette, Personal Development, Manhood, Fatherhood, and yes, even Divorce. I worked hard, but I felt as if I was sending my writing off into the abyss, because I had almost no one reading what I wrote. Nonetheless, I knew my message was important enough, so I continued writing.

A shimmer of hope

Over time my writing has gained some traction. I have started seeing more unique visitors to my site. That inspired me to keep going, and to extend my reach.

As is evidenced by this article, you can see that I am now blogging for The Huffington Post.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/derick-turner/

This did not happen overnight. In fact, it feels like a miracle it ever happened at all.

Several months earlier I had sent some of my writing to The Huffington Post after reading an article posted on their site. At the end it called for interested bloggers to reach out to them. I was now a blogger, and I was interested.

After several months, and long after I had forgotten about it, they reached out to me. They liked my "voice" and thought I would be a valuable contributor. They wanted me to write for them as an independent blogger, primarily for their Divorce blog.

Ahh, there it was again. Divorce. The painful thing I had been spending many, many months trying to get past, and here it was calling me to come play with it.

I knew there must be a reason, and I felt I was being called to help shed some light on the subject.

In spite of this surprising development, I was ecstatic about the chance to get my writing out there in front of more people.

I knew that with enough effort and time, I could truly become an influence for good in the lives of others. So I continued hoping for the best and I went to work.

I had no idea where it was going to lead me... (watch soon for part two)



Question: When have you had to hope to get past a trial? Leave a comment below.


Divorced Dad, Blogger, and Personal Development Coach Derick Turner has been carefully crafting his message of post-divorce hope for a number of websites.

Follow his journey by subscribing to his blog at DerickTurner.com where he regularly posts content intended to help in Developing Upright Men. Follow his story and insights on Facebook, Twitter, DivorceForce.com and at The Huffington Post.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Categories: Divorce Stuff
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